Friday, October 9, 2015

Stop Caring - How to Gain Confidence

Self confidence, what a tricky thing. While I've lacked it for most of my life, now it's dependent on the subject.
Even when people call me an artist and creative, I have doubts. I'm a harsh critic of my own endeavors.

I've never been one to fit in.  I remember sitting in class as the teacher read a story, the class in unison laughs at a line and I don't find it funny. The lines I find funny, the class doesn't make a sound.

I'm an outsider and I'm okay with that.

At my first job I dressed differently. I was the only one wearing a long sleeve shirt and tie, because that's what i wanted.

I have my hair in a mohawk. I had flirted with the idea, did the real deal for Halloween one year, and cut it the next day. I did it again later and combed it down so it looked like a bad hair cut at the day job.

I finally comitted. No one said anything. I'm guessing because something strange like that is normal for me.

It's not that I know I will succeed, but I don't care if I fail.

Is it confidence?  I don't really feel like it. It's not that I know I will succeed, but I don't care if I fail. Maybe that is the essence of confidence.

With my vlog, I hesitate to record in public, but I still do anyway. It's an inherent ultimatum.  If I don't record, I won't get the content. I have to stop caring, and record. I've recorded at a number of places, and the world hasn't ended, no one even pointed and laughed.

It's easy to let your perception of others stop you, but why let it? Strangers you won't see again,  family already knows how weird you are.
Is confidence knowing you will succeed or not caring if you fail?
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